In which I share some gems I wrote down from when I was a teacher’s assistant in a K-3 classroom. Does this relate to this blog? Not at all.
I was going through my old writing journals today because I was actually legitimately looking for something, and I got distracted by all these cute snippets of conversations from the K-3 classes I used to be a teacher’s assistant in.
I took out the names of the kids, just to be careful about their privacy.
“Booger Monster”
Two of the kinders talking, both boys.
Boy 1: Hey, look, that’s the booger monster!
Boy 2: Where? WHERE?!?!
Boy 1: Up there! He’s HIDING IN A SIGN! That’s him! That’s the booger monster!
A sweet, anxious, little kindergarten girl, addressing me: They’re just kidding. I don’t think there’s a booger monster.
Me: Of course not. They’re just being silly boys.
Boy 1: BOOOOOOOGER MONSTERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
Teacher: Is that an appropriate volume?
Boy 2, in a whisper: Booger monster.
“The Poisonestdest Sea Snake”
The yellow bellied sea snake is the poisonestdest sea snake.”
—a bit of wisdom imparted to me very earnestly by a first grade boy.
(And while it isn’t necessarily the “poisonestedest,” it is pretty deadly. So listen to this kid and stay away from them.)
“Stop Tormenting Each Other”
3rd grade girl with big vocabulary: Would you boys please stop tormenting each other?
2nd grade boy: Well, he’s fighting with me!
3rd grade girl (in the most patronising tone): It’s probably just a misunderstanding.
2nd grade boy: Well, he’s misunderstanding me!!!
“My Uncle…”
Kindergarten boy: My uncle got bit by a shark one time!
3rd grade boy: My uncle was in the army and he got stabbed and he’s still alive and he showed me.
Kindergarten girl: One time my sister picked up a real life hermit crab!
And Finally…
So let me give you the background for this one.
The point of this particular class was to expose kids to different cultures. The teacher had this book that introduces you to different kids around the world. Each week, she would read to them about one of the kids, and then they would do projects on that culture. So on this day, they were reading about a little girl from Kenya. Each week after reading, the teacher would ask them questions about how this kid is like us and how he/she is different. Now, this little kindergarten boy is just jiggling up and down because he has to pee, and honestly, I would have just let the kid go to the bathroom, but the teacher wanted him to wait until the discussion was over.
Teacher: How is this girl like us?
A 1st grade girl raises her hand and is called on.”They’re bald.”
The teacher makes a big show of looking around the room. “Hmm…I don’t see anyone here who’s bald, do you?”
“Well, not here, but my daddy’s bald.”
A few of the older kids laugh.
“Oh. Okay…” The teacher’s mouth is twitching. “How are they different?”
The kindergartner who has to pee waves his hand frantically in the air, and the teacher calls on a couple of other kids first, probably assuming he’s just going to ask to go to the bathroom again. I think the other kids mention things about food, clothes, etc. Finally, she calls on the kindergarten boy.
“They’re all bald, even the girls, they have two wives, they make their houses out of POOP, and can I please go to the bathroom?!”
The entire classroom explodes into laughter, and the teacher realises that there is no way she is getting this discussion back on track anyway (besides, the kid got all the main points). She nods, and the kid runs for the bathroom.
That was a completely random post and had nothing to do with anything. You’re welcome. Have a lovely day!
(Over)Analysing Literature 
I love this SO much. I can’t wait for my son to start talking… or maybe I can bc honestly he is growing so fast it’s hard to keep up. Thank you for the laugh, you captured the scenes perfectly.
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Glad you enjoyed! I hope when your son learns to talk, you’ll occasionally share some of his quotes on your blog! 🙂
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I will for sure! 🙂
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Hahaha this gave me such a laugh, thank you! Kids are my absolute favourite humans. They’re just so transparent – they say EXACTLY what they think, exactly when they think it. My favourite was the one about the hermit crab, that is just so cute. I had the Children Just Like Me book too! It’s a great resource for learning about other children of the world. I even know one of the girls in it. I used to work with about 30 primary school kids after school every day, and they came out with some absolute gems, like
“Friend-jessica, it wasn’t very clever of you to live in a money-taking house. You should of finded a free house to live in, then you could of spended all your money on lollies”. And one precocious little boy, who was 9 and writing a dystopian novel, said “I’ve always been an avid follower of developments in nanotechnology”. Blew my mind! Also my Mum is a teacher and she once had 2 little boys fighting in class. When she asked what was wrong, one of them said “Isaac won’t stop looking at me with hatred in his eyes!” and the rest of the period was punctuated with “STOP look at me with hatred in your eyes!!!!” Haha kids are just the best. Anyway, thanks for brightening my day!
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Glad to give you a laugh! Yes, you have to love kids for telling it like it is. My five-year-old cousin was at my house last week and I have one of those air plants and she asked me how often I water it. I told her every couple of weeks. She looked at me with a skeptical look that I couldn’t miss, but didn’t say anything. A while later, she came across a little terrarium with a dead plant that I haven’t gotten around to cleaning out. “Chloe? How did this one die?” “Oh, I don’t know. I guess it just died.” (Shooting me a withering look) “Maybe because you only watered it every couple of weeks?!” Meanwhile, one of my other cousins, who is three, was chasing my poor little dog around the house, trying to give her a hug. I heard him muttering under his breath, and finally I caught part of what he said: “She’s fast, but that’s why you gotta RUN! And JUMP!” My aunt told me that one time she overheard him talking to a toy owl he’d been looking for: “You can fly, but you can’t hide!”
Cute kid, absolutely terrifying. 😀
Oh my goodness, the “hatred in his eyes” thing. I can’t stop laughing at that. The things they say! And that 9 year old boy sounds like someone you’re going to brag about having known as a nine year old one day when he accomplishes something bit. It’s going to happen. Remember his name and keep an eye on the news. 🙂 Thanks for sharing these stories and brightening my day in return! 🙂
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Hahaha oh bless them! The little boy sounds like one to watch 😛 And if it makes you feel better, I can’t even keep a cactus alive…. don’t tell your cousin!
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Hahaha! And that’s why I love children so much! 😀 The best job I’ve ever had was working as a classroom assistant at a primary school, and the children there were hilarious too! Haha!
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Working with kids gives you some good stories. 🙂
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These stories are HILARIOUS. I had to call my husband over to read them with me, they’re so good. Thanks for sharing them! 😀
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Glad you enjoyed them!
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Oh these moments are so precious, thank you for sharing 🙂 Makes me miss working with younger kids – the commentary I get as a teacher of seniors is quite…. different 😉
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Glad you enjoyed! And yes, I imagine!
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I laughed so much at that last story. Ahh, this is so relatable. I worked at a pre-school once, and the kids made the experience so amusing. They’re a pleasure to work with. I can say the same for working with the elderly. I used to volunteer at a historical house that was opened up for visitors to have a look at ceramics, paintings and keyboard instruments. All of the volunteers were old enough to be my parents or grandparents, and they were so shocked to see a young,person. During the time I worked there though, they all told me their stories, and it was so great. Thanks for sharing this!
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Glad it could make you laugh! It’s funny that we both worked with kids and elderly people at some point! I love my current job, but you definitely get a different level of satisfaction when you’re working directly with people. 🙂
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Haha, we really do have a lot in common. I found both jobs to be so rewarding. 😀 I imagine that the children probably won’t remember me, but I’ll remember them.
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You do hear some of the craziest things in school. Some of my days in preschool were just like this.
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